Dealing with Setbacks

By KSU Counseling Services Staff

A college student on a soccer scholarship was at a bar when a fight broke out, and one of the combatants broke a bar stool over his foot. That was the end of the scholarship and the beginning of a lot of medical bills and emotional distress.

Other students have had their studies interrupted—because of health issues or financing that didn't come through or an unexpected divorce or the loss of housing.

People all have setbacks in life. There is only so much that can be controlled in an environment. And oftentimes, the more ambitious the goal, the more challenges there are facing that individual. Group endeavors can even be tougher because multiple individuals are involved in achieving a particular work.

Dealing with the Initial Surprise

Other people's setbacks don't have the same potency as those we face directly. The feeling of a setback has been described as a "punch to the gut." Others describe feeling light-headed at the initial shock.

The initial surprise can quickly lead to feelings of frustration or anger or other emotions. At this phase, it is important not to take precipitous or unthinking actions. It's important to let the emotions cool down, so you can assess the situation with a cool head.

Behaviors that will compound the challenge, such as over-drinking, over-eating, or using drugs to handle the difficult emotions, are clearly not advisable.

Having a positive attitude about the situation and the challenges may enable a more effective way of dealing with the challenges. Blaming yourself or blaming others may merely compound the problem.

Evaluating the Situation

Whatever the nature of the setback, whether it was anticipated or not, it is important to assess the situation clearly. People often find that it's helpful to step back from the situation. It may also help to talk with trusted friends or family members or even counseling professionals to address the issues.

What happened? What caused the setback?
What are the implications of the setback?
Why did that happen?
Was the cause or were the causes of the setback controllable?
Do you have complete information about the situation, or is there more information that you need to get?
What may be done about the setback? Is the situation beyond repair? Or are there substitution resources or situations? What options do you have in this situation to mitigate the damage?
Should there be a change in strategies?
Can the same goals be pursued at a later date? In a different circumstance?

Analysis of the setback may benefit from some research or looking into information that may improve the situation.

Considering Options

Setbacks occur for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it makes sense to dust oneself off and try again. Other times, it may be a good idea to wait, recoup one's energies, and change strategies and pursue the goals differently.

In the same way, sometimes the right path is to persist, and other times, it is to quit and pursue a different option. There is no one right way to approach a setback.

Reaching Out

If a setback just seems overwhelming and if the emotions resulting from a setback seem too difficult to handle, it would be a good idea to reach out to others to get deeper insights and some real support.