Part 1: Challenges Facing Parents Today

Part 2: The Importance of Informal Support

Part 3: What You
Can Do

References

Blame is probably the single most divisive emotion that isolates parents. To blame someone is to set them apart from the group, to make them an outcast. Let's assume for a moment that a parent appears to be a legitimate target for blame. A woman abuses drugs during her pregnancy and the child is born with a birth defect. A father sexually abuses his daughter. Both parents are probably aware that their actions are likely to be met with blame by others.

Set aside the legal issues for a moment. Blame does not allow us to visit the past to stop an act. Blame will not prevent future problems. If we care about children, we have to care about their parents. After all, who will have a greater impact, for good or ill, on children than their parents? If we can stand by that mother so she overcomes her drug dependency to become a devoted mother to her child then we have truly helped that child. If we can reach out to support that father so he will receive professional help that will enable him one day to redeem his relationship with his daughter, then we have served her best interests. The judicial system may have to intervene with a determination of guilt and punishment. The community's best interests over the long-term are to preserve the parent-child relationship.

Here are 16 simple things you can do to make your community a place that cares about parents.

1. The next time you see a parent having a problem with a child in a public place, pause for a moment to consider how you might respond effectively. If appropriate, ask the parent what you could do to help. You might say something like, I know you are pretty stressed right now. Is there something I could do to help you? React out of concern for the parent as a way of supporting and caring about the child.

2. Take a few minutes to visit with a parent, a single parent, or parent of a handicapped child in your neighborhood who might be under a lot of stress. Talk about the weather, about sports, about pets, any form of small talk is fine. If the parent wants to talk about his or her child, then follow their lead in the conversation.

3. Complete Friends InDeed: A Course on Helping or some other program on helping or communication skills. Learning how to respond effectively to someone who is under emotional pressure is a form of psychological CPR, with its own life-saving potential.

4. When you see a parent with a baby or toddler in public and have the opportunity to stop and talk, give that parent or child a compliment. For example, My what a handsome young man. And look at those new sneakers! This is especially important when the infant or toddler is a child with special needs.

5. Offer to baby-sit for a single parent or a stressed young couple in your neighborhood. Buy a couple of movie passes or dinner coupons so they can have an evening out.

6. Arrange for babysitting and take the single parent out to dinner.

7. If you see a child doing something wrong or dangerous and no parent is nearby, intervene to ensure the child's safety or confront the child for the misbehavior. Be polite and warm in your response. Keep in mind that you are responding in order to show support of the parent. Use common sense in terms of the type of wrongdoing, whether the child knows you, and the situation. Do not wait and hope that someone else will respond.

8. Support workplace initiatives to provide child care for parents. If the business is large enough, on-site child care benefits all employees and company officials. Parents who can bring their children to work have less absenteeism, more company loyalty, and higher morale.

9. Look for opportunities to connect parents in your neighborhood with community resources that might be helpful. There may be a new family storytime at your local library or a community service that might be needed. Give them the handouts you have found.

10. Speak up for parents at community gatherings where they might be unfairly criticized. For example, consider how you might respond to someone who says, That's the real problem today. Parents don't care anymore.

11. Participate in a community program in which citizens make their homes available to children who are in the neighborhood and may feel endangered by a stranger.

12. Even though you may not be a parent or your children have grown up, attend a PTO or PTA meeting at your neighborhood school. Listen to parents talk about the problems that concern them. If you are not a parent yourself, learn about the challenges facing parents today.

13. Take a look at your local playgrounds. Are they parent friendly? Do they have sufficient seating to encourage parents to stay and watch their children while socializing with other parents?

14. Encourage your school board to examine its policies regarding after-school activities and their impact on families. A school-free night each week might be helpful to parents. Or one evening could be set aside to involve parents in a child's activities in some way.

15. Contact the authorities if you have a very good reason to believe that a child is in real danger of child abuse or neglect. Although it might seem to be a contradiction in support for the parent, taking action that brings professional help to a fragmented, stress overloaded parent may be the most important thing you can do.

16. Visit the web site for Creating Communities that Care About Parents (and encourage others to do so as well) at:

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