Listen for truth, not facts
Don’t get confused between what is real or factual and what is true. Embedded in every heartfelt story is a truth. The angler who describes the size of a fish communicates the feeling and impression he had when making the catch. (“It was THIS BIG!”) Was the fish as big as he says? Maybe not. Nevertheless, his description of its size is a shorthand summary of his experience catching the fish.

Is he purposefully lying? Probably not, unless he has a specific motivation to deceive. If the person is trying to manipulate you by lying, then we have to step outside the helping mode to deal with facts.

Fairy tales are not real. Embedded in them are elements of truth. In the Disney animated film Pocahontas, Alan Menken & Stephen Schwartz introduced the song “Listen with your heart.” Only then, the lyrics reveal, can you understand. As Friends talk, we must hear the words behind their words. We listen from the “inside out” to gain insight into their experience. We pay careful attention to what they tell us, listening especially for the underlying feelings and the true meaning of their story. This response is empathic listening.