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The aggressive why
Let’s say you tell me sadly, “My spouse is not talking to me.”
      
I respond by saying, “Why?”

Is that response helpful?

Maybe, but not likely. Asking you to explain the causes of a problem by asking “Why….” forces you to defend what you feel and think.

Let’s say I respond by saying, “What happened!” Is that better?

Questions that begin with how, when, where, who, what keep Friends on track, give them better information, and are more reasonable. In the middle of a strong emotion, few of us can put the larger issue into perspective to give a complicated answer to why. Why questions do not invite; they poke. Our conversations should never feel like an interrogation. A timely open-ended question pulls but never pushes.
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