Emotional memory
Our most significant emotional experiences become part of our emotional memories. This emotional memory resides deep in the limbic system of the brain and can operate outside of our intellectual control of our cortex. We cannot force ourselves not to feel when something triggers that kind of deep emotion. There are moments when I recall my loss and feel sad. I cannot talk myself out of the feeling.

Emotional memory in our limbic system has a life of its own. This life is part of us. These memories have a lesson for us—an avenue to recalling reassuring moments like experiencing the loving hugs of a dear grandmother and taking a devoted pet dog on a lovely walk in a sunlit forest. If we turn away from true feelings, we stop remembering and healing.

To reach the final gateway of Transformation we all have to accept and embrace what we cannot change. As we reflect on a loss, what we know is true gradually finds acceptance by our heart. That’s what grieving does. Our mind gently (or not so gently) reminds the heart what it finds difficult to accept. If we don’t grieve, the heart will never find harmony with our mind. We can become at war with ourselves.