The most important skill I learned: Standing back from anger and making an evaluation whether the situation merits such a response is an important element in anger management. Anger is very similar to fear. Anger & fear are related because they both are responses to a threat. Anger, like fear & sadness, is an emotion that can provide us with certain benefits. In any situation that gets you angry, stoop & count to 10 before reacting. Take a breather.
Course participant

Skill 4
⚡ Evaluate the fairness of the anger
Alice J. Katz says that anger is about holding someone responsible for wronging us. To feel angry, we have to feel someone is to blame. In some circumstances, our anger may dissipate when we realize the other person had no intention to harm us in some way.

While watching television with my seven-year-old son I was hit in the face by a rubber band. I had previously seen him aiming and shooting the rubber band from his hand. I became angry with him because I assumed he had deliberately shot the rubber band at me. As soon as I reacted, I realized from his response that the shooting had been accidental. He had lost control of the rubber band as he stretched it and it left his hand to hit me. I should have considered this possibility as soon as I was hit.

To put this skill into action, as soon as you begin to feel anger, conduct a reality check on the intentions of others. Are they deliberately provoking you?

Next: Skill 5: Evaluate the intensity of the anger

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