Our beliefs reshape our reality
When we face evidence that contradicts a “truth,” we may distort and reshape that evidence to fit. We clutch these “truths” to ourselves even when they are negative and self-destructive. Children who believe they are “stupid” and get a good grade on their homework may insist that the task was easy instead of explaining their success by their ability.
                                                   
The power of distortion can emerge in our relationships with Friends. If we say to Friends who believe they are inadequate, “You can respond to this problem,” they might think, “She doesn’t really mean that. She’s just being nice. (or She’s supposed to say that.)”

When we feel hopelessness and resistance in Friends, we can’t force or trick them into seeing what is really going on and how to proceed. Friends have to be ready to move. In some cases, that may be difficult to see in the limited time we may have with them.