⚡ Restate what I see and hear
This skill is an example of showing respect. Describe in words as clearly and as calmly as you can what you see the other person doing and saying. Make an accurate comment about the other person's feelings.
Timing of this skill is very important. If you make this kind of comment at the wrong time, possibly too soon, you might boost the other's anger. The other person might view such a comment as placating and infuriating. If the other's anger is at a peak or in its downward movement, such a comment can show understanding and compassion. A lot also depends on your tone of voice and facial expression.
Demonstrating you understand may not reduce the anger of the other person, but it can certainly help restore your own poise.
#23. Teenager and partyLet's use a different example. Your fifteen-year-old daughter wants to go to a party where alcohol is being served. You won't let her go, and she erupts in a tirade and says some cruel things to you. You can feel your anger bone being tickled, but respond to show understanding. Write, "Teenager and party" as your next entry in your journal. Then identify what you might say in response to restate what you hear and see.